What's New Archive

What's New - August, 2001


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Friday August 31, 2001

Consider this (from Singer)

Do you ever wonder why there are so many bad drivers on the road? Well, "A" and I figured out part of the problem today. We're driving out to a friend's house to check on her kitties while she's out of town, and I see a car with one of those standing signs on the top. It's a Boone's Driving School sign. These are the people we trust to teach our beloved adolescents the safe method of getting from point A to point B. These are the people who will most assuredly instill the sacred rules of the road into our young drivers' minds. So what do we see? He changes lanes. No signal. No glance to see if the way is clear. Frantic manuvering by the innocent bystander to keep from being run off the road.
*Sigh*

Oh! "A" wanted me to share a funny story. Now, I don't think it's particularily funny, but she laughed for days!

"A" and I play bunko. For those who have no idea what I'm referring to, it's a game where 12 people (women in this case) get together once a month and eat while rolling dice. It's a mindless way to enjoy each other's company, eat good food, and win dorky prizes. One person hosts the little shindig each month, so we're at a different house all the time. Ok...so we arrive and head into the house since the door is already opened. Only, we don't see anyone. Then this guy comes out of a room carrying a baby, and we ask where Carla is.
He says: "I don't know any Carla."
I say: "Don't start that with me."
"A" says: "Where's the food?"
He says: "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Then it hits us. We're in the wrong house. "A" immediately begins to apologize to the guy while he shields the baby from these two crazy women, and I'm heading out the door. Completely mortified. You see, the neighborhood is one of those where all the houses look the same. My mother's Explorer was parked out in front of this house, and we just assumed...well, you know. Anyway, we all laughed about it the rest of the evening, and I vowed never to just walk into a house ever again.

So, go ahead...laugh all you want. i'm just gonna go do the update...

What's New:

Thursday August 30, 2001

Consider this (from Singer)

Well, here we are again. Raven, Celine and I have finally gotten our schedules worked out, and will be doing alot of cool things to the site. We appreciate your patience so far, and hope that you'll like what we will be doing. What will we be doing, you ask? I have no idea. Raven has all this stuff planned and is not talking. Just kidding.

I don't have a lot of news from my end of the country. It's hot, muggy, and doesn't show any signs of improving in the next few days. So I think I'll just give you all what you came for...THE UPDATES!!!!

What's New:

  • Under the Gun part 5 By Lori L. Lake posted Mary D's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • Sedona Rain part 18 By Carole Giorgio posted Mary D's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • The Reef parts 4-7 By Lois Kay posted Lynka's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • Hunting Season parts 14-conc By Helen Smith posted Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Completed story

  • Original Sin part 9 By Malaurie Barber posted Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • Leather and Lace part 6 By Greek Warrior posted Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • Our Reunion part 50 By Jenah posted Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • Daughter of Egypt part 6 By Shadowriter posted Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • 1944: Year of the Mandolin Wind By Nyxie posted Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Completed story *** There are those who will tell you that the holocaust never happened. That millions of jews never died. That the horrors of Auschwitz and Dachau were simply fabricated stories to further the demise of Hitler's Germany. They lie. The holocaust DID happen. Millions of humans DID die.
    It is said that he who forgets the past is destined to repeat it. This story is not to be taken lightly. It is not to be read on a whim. It is a hard piece to read, and I imagine it was a hard piece to write. I ask you to read the disclaimers...carefully. ***Singer and Raven highly recommend***

  • Katra By Kira Chase posted A Room of Her Own (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Completed story

  • Tales of Two part 9 (conc) By K. Darblyne & WolfDragon posted Amazon Nation (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Completed story

  • The Coward By Mark Annetts posted Athenaeum (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Completed story

  • Windsong Legacy Episode 1 Wellspring By Blitzgal posted Windsong Legacy Homepage (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story***This is a new series of fiction inspired by the television show Xena: Warrior Princess. The setting has changed however from ancient Greece to the Middle Ages. But our two protagonists will remain familiar

  • Of Love and Honor Part 1 By WarriorGab posted ROCshadow's Corner (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • Dreams part 11 By ROCshadow posted ROCshadow's Corner (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • Several More Devils By K. Simpson posted The Devil's Workshop (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

Monday August 27, 2001

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

So. As some of you may have noticed, I kinda missed posting last weekend. I was... cleaning. *gasp!* Yes, friends, I was cleaning. Vacuuming and shampooing carpets, among other things. It was so fun, you have no idea. And it prevented me from doing my sworn rambling duty. Will you ever forgive me? Will I ever forgive myself? Does anyone care? Does anyone else wonder what's up with U.S. Congressman Gary Condit's hair? Just curious.

In parental news, my father is currently in town from the grand state of Florida, so I've been doin' the whole family thing. That's not exactly normal in my family, since we usually get together as a whole twice a year -- Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, with semi-group get-togethers for other holidays and birthdays. We're not exactly a touchy-feely bunch. We love each other, we just can't tolerate each other for long periods of time without running the risk of severe injuries. (I'm kidding! Mostly!) :)

I've also been dealing with a laptop which is... um, odd. The other day the touch pad had to be replaced, and now it appears the whole darned motherboard needs replaced. It kind of won't turn on part of the time and at other times it just kinda stops working when it's jiggled. I also had to replace the network card I had in it because I was a complete moron and bought one with a dongle, which is a little cable which goes between the network card and the network cable, and is rather prone to breaking. And mine did. So I bought a new one without a dongle. It's dongle-less. Which sounds like a personal problem. Maybe Bob Dole should do a commercial for it, like he did for Viagra.

In music news, I'm going to a Beach Boys concert on Monday night. I don't own any Hawaiian shirts... do you think they'll let me in, anyway? Maybe I should do some emergency beach-ware buying. Think they'll let me take a surf board into the concert? Maybe a boogie board would be better.

I've been brushing up on my Beach Boys knowledge, including such momentous lyrics as, "We'll have fun, fun, fun till her daddy takes her t-bird away," and "I get around, round, round, round..." and "let's go surfin', come on surfin' safari with me". You just don't get that kind of depth in popular songs anymore.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking Celine is too young at age 27 to be so cynical about music. Not true, my friends. I was raised with an appreciation of all musical styles from the last several decades and beyond. Where am I going with this thought? Nowhere, really. I kinda like a lot of the stuff out there right now. I just felt like rambling.

Which is kinda what I do here, in this very space. Funny how that works. Anyway, no real update tonight because I have to get up at the ungodly hour of sometime before 8am to take the dogs to get groomed. I may not survive the experience. I'll hopefully get an actual update out tomorrow before the concert.

Sunday August 26, 2001

Raven's Ravings (from Just Little OL Me :))

Well folks I am still plotting and planning but I am not yet ready to share my plot for world domination but sooonnnn.. very soooon..

Till then enjoy some great fiction below and remember to support your bards!!
Now be off with you and read ...

  • Unbroken Installment 3 By Carrie Ryan and K Darblyne posted on Anti-Zero(Beyond Uber Alt)
    ***Raven Highly Recommends!!
    This is a wonderful new series that is quite addicting! Keep your eyes on this one!

  • Coward By Mark Annetts posted on Academy of Bards(Beyond Uber Alt)
    ****Raven Highly Recommends!
    This is a treat folks sweet and funny you will enjoy following Farmer a Jane Bond of the private detective world and her new employer Nicki a rich and sweet women who has a tendency to run into trouble ;) Farmer has her job as a body guard cut our for her in guarding Nicki! Enjoy!!!!!! A long story you will enjoy beginning to end all I can say is sequel!!;)

  • Journey Part 4 By Janet Lynne posted on Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    **Raven Recommends!! Enjoy.

  • Leather and Lace part 5 By Greek Warrior posted Academy of Bards(Beyond Uber Alt)
    ***Raven Recommends.. Love the story love the characters.. Raven ..hmm maybe that's why :) Really a great read!

Saturday August 25, 2001

Raven's Ravings (from Just Little OL Me :))

Good Day!! Hope you all are having a wonderful weekend! I am working on some planing.. some plotting some.. hehehe changes to Beyond Uber.. Ha.. had you scared didn't I .. hehheheeeeee..

But to keep you in suspense.. yup.. I am not going to tell.. hehe.. ok maybe I will tell but not today.. otherwise what good would all this suspense building do me??

Sooo... for now .. hahhaha (big evil laugh) on with the fiction.... Enjoy!

  • Sedona Rain Part 18 By Carole Giorgio posted on Athenaeum(Beyond Uber Alt)
    ****Raven Recommends
    ***Also Don't Miss Carole's story Laguna Nights is now available for pre-order at http://www.sedonarian.com

  • Redemption Song Part 20 By Blondebard posted Athenaeum (Beyond Uber Alt)
    ***Raven Recommends * To read from the beginning http://xenafiction.net/scrolls/blondebard_rs1.hts

  • Dog Days By Blue Dragon posted Academy of Bards(Beyond Uber Alt)
    Über narrative set in the present. its the story about how two women met thanks to a very special and unusual matchmaker.

  • Snap Shot Part II Chapter 15- Conclusion By MJ posted on Ahttp://merwolf.com/academy/fanfic/s/snap_temptingtrouble10.html">Tempting Trouble part 10 By Snap posted Academy of Bards(Beyond Uber Alt)
    ***Raven Highly Recommends Don't miss this one!!

Friday August 24, 2001

Consider this (from Singer)

Another day, another disaster. Me in the kitchen...equals chaos.

"A" and I are getting ready for Picnic With the Pops. That's where a couple of thousand people get together out at our horse park, eat lots of good food, and listen to our local philharmonic. It's a nice way to spend an evening. We have two tables, and everyone brings a dish. That's where me in the kitchen comes in.
I'm making these toffee bar things that are just heavenly. You melt a stick of butter and a stick of margarine, add a half a cup of sugar, then let it boil for 3 minutes. This is where the disaster comes in.
The stuff was boiling nicely...a little too nicely...and I see that it's gonna boil over. I yell for "A", the phone rings, it boils over, I yell again, the fire starts, "A" hangs up on whoever it was, and I put out the flames. We just kinda look at each other, and I ask if we can still use the boiled-over goop. "A" says yeah, and life goes on. Fun, huh?

The left side of my body is more prone to accidents than the right side. I know you wanted to know that. I guess you're wondering what led me to that assumption. I would have to say that the events of the last two days are the reason. My left arm was brutally attacked by the vacuum cleaner, my left knee was pummeled by the wheelbarrow, and my left hand was bitten by the dryer. See the pattern emerging, here? I am not clumsy! I was a dancer for goodness sakes! The appliances in this house simply have it out for me. I'm just waiting for the refrigerator to squash my left, big toe, or for the computer to poke out my left eye. *sigh*

Well, since I'm healthy for the moment, we'll just get on with the update, ok?

What's New:

Thursday August 23, 2001

Consider this (from Singer)

What a day!

"A" and I spent most of the day cleaning out the van of all the dog hair. We use the van to take them to the kennel when we go out of town, and they always get so excited/stressed that they shed until they're bald. Just kidding. But they really do shed alot. I sucked up enough hair to make a whole new dog! But since we already have six, I just threw it away. So, since we're in this maniacal cleaning mood, I decide to suck up the dog hair in the smoking room. This is where we let the dogs hang out with us at night. Dog hair and little pieces of their treats make the vacuuming a daily thing for that room. So, there I am, cleaning like a mad woman, and I decide to move the sofa and clean under and behind it, too. Now it gets fun. I'm running the little narrow sucking attachment along the wall, when the vacuum decides to do an imitation of a falling tree...landing right on my fragile, little bone. Well. I do the little dance we all do when we're trying not scream out obscenities, all the while telling "A" that I'm fine, and running to the kitchen to put my arm under the cold water. "A" comes in asking if I'm ok, and of course I tell her that I'm feeling great. She quietly begins filling a bag full of ice, and I just go sit down to keep from being ill.
I can't decide what hurt the most: the ice or my boo boo. Oh well.

I feel better now that I don't think the darn thing is broken, so I'll just blather on about something else. Oh, any and all typos are to be blamed on the stupid vacuum cleaner, ok? Thanks. :)
Ok, I can't think of anything to blather on about, so I'll just get on with the update. See ya!

What's New:

  • Golden Gate part 1 By Erin Jennifer posted Mary D's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • Wordscapes (Bardic Circle re-named) Wordscapes, the Bardic Circle’s renamed original fiction website, is newly redesigned and back up again. Housing a selection of original stories and poetry from Xenaverse bards, we will be adding new stories regularly. As this site is sponsored by the Bardic Circle writer’s group, we have added a unique feature - contributing writers have provided a commentary and background to their stories.

  • Strangers When We Meet part 7 By Ri posted Lynka's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continiung story

  • Into Each Life part 3 By Ri posted Lynka's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • Games of Life By Ri posted Lynka's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Completed Story

  • Another Time conc. By L.B. Anderson posted Tigg's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Completed Story

  • At Your Word part 4 By Phair posted Tigg's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • Tales of Two parts 7&8 By K. Darblyne & WolfDragon posted Amazon Nation (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • New Videos at Lunacy's Index By Lots of folks posted Lunacy's Index (Beyond Uber Alt)
    There are tons of new ones, so I won't list them all. Just head on out there and look for the little, yellow new signs! :)

Wednesday August 22, 2001

Raven's Ravings (by Raven the Older and Wiser!)

Hey Hey a treat!! Singer has a new work up.. so run do not walk.. let her know what you think and I think you can count on more!! Rushing to work so on with the fiction.. Bards if you have updates please let me know it really speed these update postings up!! R

  • Reece's Faith By Vertigo posted Academy of Bards(Beyond Uber Alt)
    ***Do Not read at work warning! Hot Stuff!

*This looks promising**

v

Monday August 20, 2001

Raven's Ravings (by Raven the Older and Wiser!)

Monday.. Monday.!!!

Well once again we begin a rather exciting week .. where's Friday when you need one??
I am again with out my usual wit and wisdom so you don't have to suffer through my attempt at humor.. so... on with the fiction!!

**Raven Recommends

  • The Journey part 2 By Janet Lynne posted Academy of Bards(Beyond Uber Alt)
    **Raven Recommends

  • Provenance By Cruise posted Site(Beyond Uber Alt)
    A prequel to Indiscretions and Ab Initio!~
    ***Raven Recommends

  • Strength of the Heart Part 10- Conclusion By Carrie Carr posted Site(Beyond Uber Alt)
    ****Your in for a treat folks those that have not started this wonder go to the beginning and enjoy!!! ***Raven and Celine Recommend!!!

Sunday August 19, 2001

Raven's Ravings (by Raven the Older and Wiser!)

Goood Morning Folks!

Well now that I am well rested from my killing spree and my partying I am back to share tons of excellent fiction!!

But first I want to thank all those wonderful folk who were kind enough to drop a note on my Birthday it was truly awesome!!
Just a reminder that we here at Beyond Uber love to hear from you and if you get a chance sign our guest book.. it has been a thrill seeing how far and wide this site is viewed and how crazy most of you are ;)
I guess I will have to save up for something witty for tomorrow cause I am beat (No I have not beaten anyone.. yet) and am headed off to bed.. enjoy these wonderful tale.. don't forget email your favorite Bards.. trust me it keeps those stories coming ;)

  • Almost Over By by Denic posted on Academy of Bards(Beyond Uber Alt)

  • Leather and Lace by Greek Warrior posted on Academy of Bards(Beyond Uber Alt)
    After terrorists threaten a US Ambassador, Captain Chandler a member of an antiterrorist organization, is assigned to protect the Ambassador and his family. The Captain and Kris, the Ambassador's daughter, are attracted to each other. Can the two women, thrown together under less than ideal conditions survive the terrorists and Kris' family long enough to find love? Note: The story is finished and will be posted in it's entirety in about two weeks.

  • Obsession ~ by DarkenedKarma posted The Athenaeum's Scroll Archive(Beyond Uber Alt)

  • Blue Fire By C E Grey posted on The Athenaeum's Scroll Archive(Beyond Uber Alt)
    In the year 1868, a time known for most Americans fierce predudices against all people not of the same heritage, a circumstance of pure chance brings a White woman and an Indian women together. She is called Blue Fire; an Apache Warrior destined to somehow make a difference for her tribe. Everything tells her not to trust the white that has taken her in, and yet her heart gives her no other choice… This is her story.
    ***Raven Recommends

Saturday August 18, 2001

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

Whew. You know, having been killed, been brought back to life, and then kissed by ROC can really wear someone out. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I actually went to Hades and back to be kissed by ROC! Can't beat that. :)

Singer outdid herself on the whole "Raven Killing Celine" saga. It had style, it had flare... and death, intrigue, gods, murder, the underworld, celebrities, severed body parts, and not a dry eye in the house. It was beautiful.

In Raven's birthday news, you guys really came through. She had somewhere in the vicinity of 70 birthday messages in her mailbox! How cool is that? She said she had a very happy birthday, due in no small part to all the messages she received. You guys, as I have said many times before, rock big time.

On a non-related note, to Beyond Uber reader Jo -- you're never too old to have a Purple Plaything! Oooh... is that one of those statements which sounds dirty but isn't? Anyway, tell your daughter to get you one for your birthday. :)

In related news, I had a slight Purple Plaything mishap yesterday. Don't worry, I'm not injured. And neither is the scooter. Really.

What happened was... it's almost too depressing to even talk about... well, I looked down at my little koosh friends who are permanently perched on the handlebars area of my scooter. And one of the koosh's bikes was about ready to fall off! It was just dangling there! I had to take the bike off before it fell, and now it needs to be reattached to my scooter. Poor Sammy -- that's the name of the koosh whose bike took a nose dive -- he's without his own little Pink Plaything.

For those who don't know or don't remember what in the hey I'm talking about, you can see my koosh friends with their bikes at:

Sammy's the one on the left. This whole ordeal was really very distressing. I'm going into repair mode tomorrow so Sammy will once again sit astride is Pink Plaything as we roam about town. Wish me luck, friends.

In update news, I'm gonna have to keep things kinda short. See, it's 2am as I'm writing this and quite frankly, I'm surprised I'm still able to type. Okay, I'm surprised I can type even when I'm not almost asleep, but that's really another story.

What's New:

  • Provenance By Cruise posted at her site (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Prequel to Indiscretions and its sequel Ab Initio.

  • Someone To Watch Over Me - Part 3 By JM Dragon posted at her site (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Under The Gun - Part 4 By Lori L. Lake (Lorelei) posted at MaryD's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Shadows Of Justice - Part 3 By Shadowriter posted at the Merpup Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story. *****Celine Recommends*****

  • Daughter of Egypt - Parts 1 and 2 By Shadowriter posted at the Merpup Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Daryl Bromley is an English orphan on the streets of Cairo, who is forced to steal to survive. After being caught with her hand in the wrong pocket, she is rescued by Ashayt Kemshet, an Egyptian who is more than she seems. Ashayt offers Daryl a proposition -- steal something for her, and she'll never have to go back to the streets. It's a deal that will not only change Daryl's life, but her entire perception of reality. Continuing story.

  • Mississippi Blues - Part 1 By BlueDragon (aka The Blue Bayoupup) posted at the Merpup Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    An alternative über story starring two ordinary women who meet in a small college town in South Mississippi. A chance meeting at a concert turns life upside down for the two, but they realize the ride is worth it. Continuing story.

  • The Journey - Part 1 By Janet Lynne posted at the Merpup Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    In this story, a sequel to The Homecoming and The Challenge, Ryan and Janna continue their romantic and spiritual journey together and face the joys and pitfalls of parenthood while dealing with career changes. Janna returns to her rock and roll roots while Ryan tries to settle into an important promotion on the police force. Continuing story.

  • First - Parts 9 and 10 Conclusion By Kim "KP" Pritekel posted at her site (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Conclusion. (I want to read this story, but I'm not sure I have enough hankies! :) )

Friday August 17 2001

Consider this (from Singer)

Well, that's finally over. I'm telling you, I was really getting tired of being on the floor. But it was really kinda neat how Lucy and Renee came to our aid. We're soooo glad to have Celine back with us, and Raven is happy that her palm pilot survived the incident. Wow! Lucy and Renee showed up. I can't believe it myself, and I was even there. I saw the whole thing.
Raven and Celine have been spending the day talking things out, and I think that they're gonna be ok. Even after Celine spilled the beans that the 16th was Raven's birthday, Raven didn't kill her again. I'm very happy about that.
You know the best part though? The kiss. My jaw hit the floor when Renee kissed Celine. Of course, Celine looked like she was going to pass out, but she managed to remain standing. I wish I'd had a camera with me to catch that moment. Whew!
Now I need your help. With one voice from across the world, we will lift our voice to sing THE song. To Raven. Are you ready? Ok, deep breaths now...

We wish you a merry.....Ooops, wrong song.
(To the tune of happy birthday)
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday dear Raven.
Happy birthday to you.

Now for the second verse...(deep breath)
(To the tune of Happy birthday)
Oh this is your day.
But we wanted to say.
That you can't kill Celine.
You did that last Thursday.

Now for the third verse...in three-part harmony...(deeper breath)
(In the tune of happy birthday)
We wish you the best.
From the east to the west.
It's been lots of fun.
Now put away that gun!

Well, I think it's high time I leave and meet my witness protection representative. Hope to see you all soon. Of course, it may be under a new identity, but you never know. ;)

By the way, Raven told me to tell everyone thank you for all the emails she received. Way to go Uber friends!

What's New:

Thursday August 16, 2001 - Part II

It's Birthday Time! (from Anonymous)

Don't tell anyone this, but today is Raven's birthday! She's @^#&$(!)# young on this very day! Send her some birthday greetings at ravensnevermore@home.com.

This post will self destruct in 5 seconds.

Thursday August 16 2001

Consider this (from Singer)

Writer: "Well, I fired the creepy guy. He kept asking for more money, and frankly, I just don't have it. Sooo, you're stuck with me. So where were we?
Celine is back. Raven is begging forgiveness. Singer is...well, you know. Lucy and Renee are awesome! Oh, and Rob has shown up. So why don't we just check in and see what's next?

Rob: "Well, well, well. What do we have here?"
Raven: "A funeral."
Singer: "A sit in."
Tango: "Meow."
Celine: "A party."
Lucy and Renee: "A convention planning meeting."

Rob: "Hmmmm, I don't think so.", he says as he takes in the intimate posture between his wife and her co-star. "I think there's alot more going on here than meets the eye."
Lucy and Renee: "Well...uh...you see..."
Rob: "Yessss?"
Lucy and Renee at once: "Ren was cold." "Luce was cold."
Everyone: "Lucy and Renee are HOT!"
Lucy and Renee blush and mumble a thank you.

Raven: "We're just trying to solve some really serious issues, here."
Celine: "Yeah! I just returned from being mostly dead for a few days, and I really want a nap."
Raven: "And I need to get to Best Buy to pick up a new palm pilot before they close."
Singer: "And I need to make an appointment with a hemorrhoid specialist."
Injured mourner: "What?!?"

Rob: "Well, haven't we been busy? I see once again, that you two have messed up my plans.", he says looking at Lucy and Renee. "Can't you ever leave well enough alone?!?"
Lucy: "What are you talking about? Your plans? What did you have to do with any of this?"
Raven: "Oh my gawd!"
Rob: "Not gawd...god."
Rob, or the thing thing formerly known as Rob begins to morph. Change. Take on a new form even. He laughs an evil laugh as he becomes taller, more muscular, and even good looking.
Everyone: "GASP!!!"
Everyone: "Ahhhhhhhhh..."
Everyone: "Oooooooooo..."
Everyone: "Ares?!?"

Lucy: "Oh boy! I knew this was too easy. Well, at least this explains the fifth season"
Renee: "Don't forget the finale! Does this mean you're married to god of war?"
Everyone: "Ewwwwwww..."
Ares: "Hey!"
Celine (drooling): "Does that mean that Renee is single, now?"
Everyone: "Oooooooooo"
Lucy: "Hey!"

Celine backs up a step and raises her hands in surrender.
Lucy: Alright, let's get this settled once and for all. Ares, you started this...so FIX IT!!"
Everyone: "Yeah!"
Ares: "Why should I do that? I AM the god of war, you know."
Lucy: "Because if you don't, I'll see that your little secret comes out."
Singer: "More secrets?!? Who's gonna die when this one gets out?"
Everyone: "YOU ARE!"
Ares: "Now wait a minute! You can't do that. My image would...well, it would be ruined."
Lucy: "Then fix this. NOW!"
Ares: "Awww hades! Ok."

Ares closes his eyes and begins a series of intricate incantations.
"Kuum ba ya.....Kuum ba ya....ali ali oxen ali...ali ali oxen ali"
Everyone: dumb looks
"Oompa, oompa, oompa di dee. If it is broken it will be fixed by me. Oompa, oompa, oompa di duh. I'm am the greatest.......uh."
Lucy: "You call that a spell?"

A fierce wind tears through the room, and people dive for cover. Lucy dives to protect Renee, Raven dives to protect Celine, and Ares dives to protect himself. Singer just stays put. As the wind whips, we see the 734 pieces of the palm pilot begin to reassemble. We see a lone ear bouncing between two pews until it finally smacks its way home. We see a mostly dead Celine become all alive again. We see Singer stand up...only to be knocked back down by a gust of wind.

Finally, its over and people begin to come out from under the pews. Everything is as it should be, and a wonderous golden light fills the room. Raven and Celine embrace as the previously injured mourner tries to get her ear on straight. Lucy and Renee look meaningfully at each other, realizing that they have once again saved the day.

Ares: "Well, there you go. I'll be leaving now."
Lucy: "Oh no you don't! What was this all about?"
Ares: (sigh) "Well, after the horrible finale, I figured the fans would move onto something else. But, nooooo. Fanfic got bigger and bigger. And this Uber stuff? It just kept going. You know, they're even talking of making a movie out of that Tropical Storm book. It's Dar and Kerry this, Dar and Kerry that.

Everyone: "We LOVE Dar and Kerry! And Jude and Elizabeth! And Devlyn and Lauren! And....
Ares: "Okay, okay. We get it! Anyway, I thought that if I could rid the world of all this Uber crap, then I could get you back. That maybe you'd start reading all the stories where you and I rule the world, and you'd figure out that you're destined to be more than just...well, hers." He smiles wickedly, glaring at Renee, who just smirks at him. "One day, babe. One day you're gonna lose, and I'll have you back where you belong."
Lucy, Renee, Raven, Celine: "I don't think so!!"

Celine, seeing her chance, dives at the god of war, wielding her mighty ACME god killer. Surprising the heck out of everybody, she plunges the supernatural beard comb into the godly gotee.
Ares: "Aaaaaaa, I'm melting, I'm melting!"
The god of war vanishes in a flash of light and a sputter of smoke.

Silence

Renee: "We did it again."
Lucy: "Yes, we did."
Renee: "Now what about Rob? Is there a Rob, or was it Ares all along?"
Lucy: "Let's just say that it looks like it's you and me, hon."
Renee and Lucy smile.

Celine: (sighing) "Well I guess it was good while it lasted. Renee was my personal hero for a whole 37 minutes."
Renee gives Lucy a pat, and walks over to Celine. She moves in close and gently strokes the sad updater's cheek.
Renee: "Celine, you *are* a hero. To all of us."
Renee leans in slowly and brushes her lips over Celine's.
Renee: "Thank you."
Celine: "Uh...ummmm...giggle."
Raven: "Well, I guess that about does it. Anyone for sushi?"
Writer: "So they all went out to eat sushi, and share the story of all stories. I'm so glad that ended well.

A couple walking past the chapel stop when they hear a small voice coming from inside...

"Is anyone gonna help me up, or not?!?

What's New:

  • Fragments Part 3 By Grit Jahning posted May D's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • Home 1-9 By DS Bauden posted Mary D's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story *** Singer recommends

  • Hunting Season 5-8 By Helen Smith posted Royal Academy (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • Snapshots2 Part10 By MJ posted Royal Academy (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • White Nights part 38-39 By Minerva posted Royal Academy (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • The Darkest Hour By Talaran posted Royal Academy (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story ***this is the sequel to Vendetta

  • A Valiant Heart By D posted Royal Academy (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing***This may or may not be completed, as I could not get to part 1b. Looks good though.

  • The Light Fantastic part 9-11 By LA Tucker posted Royal Academy (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • The Road Back Home part 18 By Lynne Norris posted Royal Academy (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • Tempting Trouble 7-8 By Snap posted ForevaXena (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • Always and Forever By J M Dragon posted Dragonjul's Storybook (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story ***this will be a trilogy before it ends.

  • Paladin By evil little bard posted B.L.'s (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Completed story ***Raven's even printing this one out.

  • Heaven on Earth parts 1-4 By Julia Ford posted ForevaXena(Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

Tuesday August 14 2001

Consider this (from Singer)

The Saga .. still continues..

The annoying creepy announcer voice again: "Hey! What do you mean creepy? I'll have you know that I get paid big bucks for this voice."

Writer: "Paid? You mean I have to pay you for this?"

Creepy voice: "Of course! You think I'd do this tripe for free?"

Writer: "Oh. Well, you see, I don't think we figured that into the budget. I might be able to come with....uh....:::The sound of rattling change::: I have $1.43. Will that be enough?"

Creepy: "WHAT?!? You've got to be kidding! I want at least four bucks for this!"

Writer: "I don't have four bucks. All my money went for a charity auction by Creation Entertainment. Guess what I got? I got a genuine, certified, autographed Kleenex. It was used on the set, you know. I've even got pictures of Lucy using it. It cost me a bundle. I had to outbid 2 other people to get this baby."

Creepy: "A what? You bought a KLEENEX?!?"
Writer: "Yep!" :::huge grin, here::: "Wanna see?"
Creepy: "No. No thank you. Are you going to pay me the four bucks?"
Writer: "Uh...I guess so. I'll just have to do with out the matching, genuine, certified, autographed hanky signed by Renee." :::sigh:::
Creepy: "Alright, then. Where we're we? Oh yeah. We rejoin our Uber epic as all hades has broken loose. Tango and Lucy have been joined by the formerly deceased Celine and Renee. Or is it Gabrielle? Who the heck knows?"

Lucy: "Hey Ren. Took you long enough. I see you got her back."
Half the crowd: "It IS Renee!"
Other half: :::have fainted dead away:::
Renee: "Hey hon. Sorry it took so long, but you know it is with trying t get dead people back. Hades was pretty miffed about giving her up. I had to promise that he would be in the hottub with us in the Xena revival movie. He was plenty helpful after that."
Lucy: "You promised him what?!? I can't play find the soap with him in there."
Renee: "That's ok, baby. I won't let anyone in the vague massage scene. It'll be just you and me."
Lucy: "Well, okay."
Raven: "What in the *beep* is going on here? Celine, you're supposed to be...well, dead. Not that I'm not happy you're back, but I am so confused."
Celine: "Well, it's like this. When Tango found out what happened, he went and found two heroes. Lucky for me, it was Lucy and Renee. Lucy came here to stop the funeral.........Oooooo, look at all these people. Are they here for me?"

Everyone: "Yes! We love you Celine!"
Celine: "Wow" :::furious blushing:::
Raven: "Can we get on with this? What happened?"
Renee: "Hey! Why's Singer still on the floor?
Everyone: "MOAN!!!!!"
Renee: "Uh, nevermind."
Singer: "Wait!! Is anybody gonna help me up?"
Everyone: "NO!"
Celine: "So anyway, while Tango and Lucy are taking care of you guys, Renee comes to take care of me." Celine looks to see Renee smiling at her, and serious drooling begins.
Lucy: "Anybody got a Kleenex?"
Everyone looks to the writer.
Writer: "Oh no!! No way! Stay away from my genuine, certified, autographed Kleenex!
Lucy: "Nevermind. We're gonna need a beach towel for this."
Renee: "Awwwww, I think it's kinda cute. In a drowning sort of way."
Raven: "Please Celine, go on."
Celine: "Ok. So there I am, waiting to catch a ride with Charon, and Renee comes storming in....

Scene changes to River Styx waiting room #37.
Celine: "Ho hum."
Other dead people: "Do di do."
Receptionist: "Next trip to Elysian Fields departs in 2 minutes. Please step forward in a single file line with your gold coin in hand."
Some dead guy: "What if you don't have any hands?"
Receptionist: "Then use your teeth!"
Celine: "Do you take travelers checks?"
Receptionist: "Huh?"

A sudden commotion interrupts the stimulating conversation, and all eyes are on the obviously non-dead new arrival.
Renee: "Celine! What are you doing? It's not you're time, yet. Come on, we're getting out of here before the entire Uber world falls apart."
Celine: "Re..R..Renee?!? Renee O'Connor?"
Renee: "It's Lawless. Renee Lawless, but don't let that get around, ok? We'd never hear the end of it from the phobes."
Celine's mouth falls open and can only stare dumbfounded as her wildest fantasy stands before her.
Renee: "Come on, Celine! If I don't get you back in time, BeyondUber may not survive. What do you think will happen if there are no more rambles? If there were no more Tango stories? You have to return!"
Celine: "Wha...? I can't just leave. I'm dead! Dead people don't just walk around, do updates, and read Uber fanfic!"
Renee: "It's all taken care of. When I explained to Hades what happened and that Lucy and I were involved, he signed your release parchments right away. He did mumble something odd about not wanting to miss a purple something, but I didn't get that. Anyway, let's go!"

Scene changes back to the funeral chapel.
Celine: "And here I am!"
Most everyone: "Oooooooo....."
Renee walks over to Lucy and they embrace in a very friendly, but not overly subtext sort of way....yeah, right.
Lucy: "So, what's the score so far?"
Celine: "One dead updater..."
Raven: "One palm pilot."
Injured mourner: "One ear."
Singer: "One back ache...this floor's really hard."
Tango: "Meow."
Creepy: "One pitiful paycheck."
Writer: "Oh, shut up! One...sniff...genuine, certified, autographed Kleenex."

Lucy pulls out her hanky and a sharpie. She signs the hanky, and hands it over for Renee to do the same.
Lucy: "Here! You want me to use it, or what?"
Writer: "Would you?!?"
Everyone, and I mean everyone: "Oooooo, GROSS!!
Injured mourner: "Huh?"
Raven: "Alright! Let's get this over with. Celine's back, Singer's still alive...
Singer: "You call this living?!?"
Raven: "Celine, I'm so sorry for what happened. I never meant to kill you. Can we still be friends? Huh?

Before Celine has a chance to answer, a brilliant flash of light appears in the chapel. Everyone is blinded for a moment, and confusion ensues. When at last the smoke clears, all eyes are glued to the figure that emerges from the mist.
Lucy and Renee: "Rob?"
Everyone else: *gasp* "It's TPTB!"

Will Rob finally admit that he screwed up with that finale?
Will Celine need a bib for the rest of her life?
Will that injured mourner ever find the number for miracle ear?

Love this .. Hate this.. should we really kill Singer.. your feedback is um.. well welcome.. needed.. ok we are begging.. (comments..threats to Singer)

****Announcement***** Run don't walk and vote for your favorite!!

ON WITH THE UPDATE
 Hmh... well just to be nice I will announce anyway!!

Hi Celine and Raven:
I hate to interrupt your death and your murderous rampage (repectively) but would y'all be so kind as to post the info that the entries are online and the voting period has started for the Bard Challenge #2.

The entries can be found here: http://www.merwolf.com/academy/contest/contest2/challenge2.html

Each voter may vote for one entry in each of the 3 categories. Links have been provided at the end of each entry. All they have to do is Pick'em, Click'em and Mail'em. Voting period ends 9/9/01.

  • Graceful Waters 1-3 By BL Miller posted BL Miller's site(Beyond Uber Alt)
    ***Raven Recommends and begs for MORE!!

  • Valiant Heart by D posted on Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    A futuristic (or is it timeless?) love story between a duty bound warrior and her soulmate bard. Destined to be together but will war and secrets keep them apart.

  • Belle, Booke & Kandell The Latest.. The Howl posted on inkubator(Beyond Uber Alt)
    A vicious attack on an Animal Control officer leaves an ancient evil in charge of her soul. Meanwhile, Helen's past catches up with her, in the person of a crazy, dark-eyed blonde who will stop at nothing to gain a cruel, calculated vengeance.

Monday August 13 2001

Consider this (from Singer)

The creepy announcer voice pipes up again:

"Whew! That was a close one folks. What we have here is a very touchy situation. Singer is still on the floor, Raven is still staring at her dead palm pilot, and Tango is still in charge."

Lucy: "What do you mean the cat is in charge?!?"

Tango: "Meow"

Singer: "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!!

Raven: "Who's gonna pay for my Palm pilot?"

Wounded Mourner: "Can someone help me find my ear?"

Creepy Voice: "Excuse me! Can I please continue?"

Everybody: "Sorry."

Creepy voice: "That's better. Ahem, where was I? Oh, yes. And Tango is still in charge..."

Lucy: "Humph!"

Creepy voice: "I heard that!"

Tango: "Meow!"

Creepy voice: "I heard that, too! Geez! Anyway, things have settled down for now, and we're just waiting to see if this terrible catastrophe can somehow be cleared up."

Raven: "What's going on here, and what are you gonna do about my Palm pilot?"

Lucy: "More important,what are you going to do about that temper? You've already dispatched one friend, and nearly did Singer in. You need to seriously consider some therapy, my friend."

Singer: "Can someone help me up"?

Raven: "Well, what'd you expect me to do? She almost revealed THE secret! I couldn't let that happen."

Lucy: "For the sake of Pete, Raven. Do you really think that the world as we know it would end if everyone knew that your birthday was...mmmmmph..."

Tango: "Mmmrrrowwwwww."

Lucy: "Pffllbbttt!!! Gross, Tango. When's the last time you washed those feet?!?"

Raven: "Good move, Tango!"

Tango: "Meow."

Singer: "Helloooo! Am I invisible or something?"

Most everyone: "Did you hear something?"

Singer sighs loudly.

Lucy: "Listen, there's got to be a way to work this out, and still keep the Uber fiction updates coming. Renee and I like to keep up with the new stuff. I really like the ones where I'm the strong, silent type. Dar rules, you know."

Everyone: "Cool!"

Raven: "How can we continue? Celine is...(choke)...gone, Singer will be soon, and that leaves just me. BeyondUber will fade away."

Everyone: (sniff)

Singer: "Can SOMEONE help me up?!?"

Everyone: "SHUT-UP!"

Singer: "Well...I never..."

A strange, but familiar voice: "I can fix this."

Mourners: "CELINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Raven and Singer: "CELINE?????????????"

Celine: "Yes, it's me. And I brought just the person who can help us solve this problem."

Celine moves away from the door to allow a shadowed figure to step into the light.

Half the crowd: "Gabrielle????"

Other half of the crowd: "Renee??"

Lucy: "Hey, babe."

Is it really Celine?
Is it Renee or Gabrielle?
Did Lucy just say "hey, babe"?

***** Back to Fun Fiction******

HOT OFF THE PRESSES!!! One of my favorite writers has been at it again creating a treat for us fan fiction addicts!!! With out further ado...
DS Bauden's HOME...

  • Home 1-9 By DS Bauden posted on DS Bauden's Fan Fiction site(Beyond Uber Alt)
    Meet Kelly Cavanaugh and Susan McGovern. Kelly is Regional Manager for Saks, a posh chain of clothing stores. Susan is a social worker for ForOthers, Inc. a company helping the homeless. Watch how these two women from opposite sides of two worlds come together and help each other through the sharing of their hearts.
    *******Raven Recommends****** PS I have it on good authority that the updates to this may be on DS's Yahoogroup .. run don't walk to join..

Sunday August 12, 2001

Consider this (from Singer)

Creepy announcer's voice: "When we last saw our "heroines", the scene was horrific. Two friends battling it out over the body of their dearly departed cohort. We would like to take this moment to warn you. The images you are about to see are not for the faint of heart. Please see that young children and pets are not in the room. They may have a hard time dealing with what you about to witness."

In the chapel: Raven stands poised to deal the killing blow. Her palm pilot, filled to bursting with Uber fanfic, is raised above her head.

Raven: "How could you?!?", she screams. "You know the penalty for betrayal! Poor Celine had to learn the hard way. My secret must never be revealed."

Singer: "Nooooooooooooooooo......"
Raven: "Yeeessssssssssssss...you will pay for your sad lapse in judgment!"
Singer: "Nooooooooooooooooo......"
Raven: "Yeeessssssssssssss... "

Suddenly, a voice cries out from the gathered mourners.
Voice: "Don't do it, Raven! You've already killed Celine. If you kill Singer, you'll have to do the updates all by yourself. We'll never know what's going on with anything anymore. How do expect us to live without our Uber stories?

Unseen by Raven, Singer is quietly reaching into her pocket. Slowly, she pulls out her only chance for survival. Her computerized drawing pen. Tucking it out of sight up her sleeve, she waits. Waits for an opportunity that may never come.

Raven: "I can handle it. All of it! Who do you think was the brains behind it all. Me! Only me!" Then in a quieter voice, "Of course, if anyone wants to help, I'll be accepting applications after the service...I mean the double service." She looks back down to the floor, where Singer awaits her fate.

Singer tenses. She watches as the arm of death stiffens, and begins it terrible journey to end her brief career as UberArtist.

Suddenly, a whistling sound permeates the room, and a blurred object whizzes by. It bounces off the wall, then the coffin, then a pew, then a lamp, then a mourner (oops), then deftly dislodges the palm pilot from Raven's hand. Raven stares dumbfounded as her weapon lands on the floor in 734 pieces

Raven: "Huh?"
All eyes follow the little tornado as it continues it's flight around the silent room. Finally, the carnage is over as the whirling dervish is caught by....

Gasps fill the room. The screams come next. Then, the cameras begin to flash. Standing in the doorway is the problem solver.

Everyone: "XENA?!?"
She calmly walks into the room, and slinks down the aisle towards the still stupefied updaters. Sitting serenely on her shoulder is the hero of all heroes. The bravest of the brave. The cutest of the cute.

YES, it's Tango the wonder kitten/cat!

The buff one: "The name is Lucy: Sidekick to Wonder Kitty. It seems that we have a problem here. Tango and I are here to solve it."

Will Tango and Lucy save the day?
Will Raven ever recover from the loss of her palm pilot?
Will Singer ever get up off the floor?

Stay tuned for more ....

***** Announcement**** Carrie Ryan & K. Darblyne have teamed up to start a wonderful new series UNBROKEN! This is a weekly series and I think you all will enjoy it!! Now without further ado
UNBROKEN
Installment One: "When The Hammer Falls..." can be found at http://unbroken2.tripod.com/hammer.htm

  • Journey By Janet Lynne posted on her site Beyond Uber Alt)
    The lasted in a wonderful series..Homecomming and the Challenge now we have more to look forward to in .. Journey!!

  • Gemini 2 By Teagen2's posted on The Athenaeum's(Beyond Uber Alt)

  • Reef Part 7 By Lois Kay posted on Mindom(Beyond Uber Alt)

Saturday August 11, 2001

Consider this (from Singer)

:::Raven and Singer walk sadly up the aisle of the chapel:::

Raven: "I had to do it!"

Singer: "I understand. We'll need to find a suitable replacement, though. And soon"

Raven: (sighing) "I know. I'll start asking around. Surely there's someone out there who'd help us".

:::Raven takes a seat as Singer slowly approaches the podium. Taking a deep breath, she begins...:::

Singer: "My friends and fellow Uber fans. We are gathered together on this sad day to pay tribute to one who had to leave us. Poor Celine." :::Singer glances meaningfully at the coffin to her left::: "She was a great friend, a wonderful...uh, updater, and someone that we will miss forever. She provided many of us a release from our boring lives with her wit, charm, and never-ending stories of Tango and the Purple plaything."

:::Singer tries to stifle a sniffle:::

"She was a rock. She took care of all things uber when we had to be away, and never complained. However, she made a costly mistake. She threatened to reveal one of BeyondUber's most closely guarded secrets...Raven's birthday."

:::A collective gasp rises from the mourners:::

"Yes...it is sad thing when justice is cruel, but it was necessary. Necessary to maintain the security of the sacred site. We will all miss her, but know that she has gone on to a better place. A place where subtext is maintext. A place where Xena did NOT die, and where Purple playthings never run out of gas. She will never again feel the pressure of a late posting, or find shredded toilet paper in her bathroom. She will never again have to wonder who's doing the update for the evening, or worry about where Raven might be traveling to next."

:::Singer looks around the room, taking in the grieving faces:::

"In Celine's memory, I feel it only right that her tribute be fitting to her life. Celine, this is for you."

:::Singer straightens to her full, imposing height of 5'3, and faces the crowd...undaunted, and shouts to the heavens:::

"I will tell the secret that cost her life. I will let the world know so that her death will not have been in vain...Raven's birthday is..ahhhhhhhhhhh, no Raven! Stop! Get back! Help me...help me...help meeeeeeeeeeee....."

The lights go out, and the sounds of a terrible struggle ensue. No one knows what to do. Finally, the lights come on to reveal the horrendous scene. Raven is poised over Singer, palm pilot raised to deal the crushing blow.

Will Singer survive to post again?
Will her artwork suddenly be worth something?
Will Raven have to handle the site all alone?

What's New:

Thursday August 9, 2001

Consider this (from Singer) Guess what? It's RANT time!!!

I just spent the past day and a half trying to get rid of a virus. A nasty virus. A virus that had me scrambling to save anything/everything.

Now that it's over, I sit back and look at my computer, and wonder what kind of person just sits around and dreams up ways to make other people miserable. I got this stupid bug from an innocent email (no worries Cindy)and then spent hours and money to get my computer back.

So I decided something while I watched my computer dying...these jerks (and I'm being kind)who design these viruses and send them out for no other reason than pure spitefulness deserve to be shot. I ask you...who the he** do they think they are? (deep breath) Ok, Im finished.

To repeat what Celine said, get a good virus program. I hate the fact that I have to spend extra money to save my hard work and internet treasures from idiots who have nothing better to do than hurt unknown and untold millions every year. Still, I would rather fork up the cash than lose what I have worked so hard for.

In other, happier news...We are all alive, here. "A" is glad to be home, I'm glad to be home, and the dogs are elated to be out of the kennel. North Carolina was cool, and we had a good time at the lake. We then went looking for cabins for a family reunion next summer, and spent two days in the car. Can anyone say too numb to walk? :)

In homocide news, Celine will no longer be posting to Beyond Uber, as Raven has killed her. You see, Raven doesn't want anyone to know when her birthday is, so she killed Celine for mentioning it, and is now threatening me with a painful death if I reveal when it is.

So, since I'm still reeling over my near death experience, we'll get on with the update...Glad to be back.

What's New:

  • Under The Gun part 2 By Lori L. Lake posted Mary D's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story ***Note...this is a sequel to the AWESOME story Gun Shy.

  • Mordida part 9 By Author posted UFFD (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

  • Graceful Waters Parts 1&2 By B.L. Miller posted B.L.'s site (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story**** I just want to say that I love this writer! :)

  • The Sound of Snow By Stacia Seaman posted B.L.'s (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Completed story

  • Absolution By S Anne Gardner posted B.L.'s (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Completed story

  • After the Darkness By JD Jenkins posted B.L.'s (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Completed story

  • My Leather Wearin'Cowboy By Nyxie posted B.L.'s (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Completed story

  • At First Glance By Knightowl posted B.L.'s (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Completed story

  • Shadows By Erin Jennifer posted ForevaXena (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Completed story

  • Tempting Trouble parts 2-6 By Snap posted ForevaXena (Beyond Uber Alt)
    continuing story

Wednesday August 8, 2001

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

So, remember the other day when I was telling y'all about how cool our lovely Beyond Uber editor Raven is? Well, today I received something in the mail which just confirmed it. Seems she had a lovely lass by the name of Geekgrrl (Dyann) send me a Hudson Leick autographed photo (!!!!!!!) for which I am so very grateful. Both Raven and Geekgrrl rock. And Hudson rocks. I love Callisto. She rocks, too. It's my very first Xena-related autograph. Very spiffy, indeed.

Speaking of Raven, she's going to kill me. Again. Something about mentioning her upcoming birthday or something. Ah, well. She has to catch me first.

In Singer news, she was to do tonight's update, but she's caught a virus of the computer kind and is down until further notice. She might be back tomorrow, but she isn't sure. Let's all send positive computer vibes in her general direction (Eastern part of U.S.) in hopes that virus is outta here 'fore too long.

Public Service Announcement: If you don't have anti-virus software installed on your computer, do it now! If you do have it, make sure it's updated with the very latest virus definition updates! New ones are put out all the time... often several times a week when new virii come out. And you might consider getting a firewall (ZoneAlarm is free -- http://www.zonealarm.com) to go with it.

In me news, today I was ordering a subway sandwich at Subway (funny, that) and the lady asked what all I wanted on it. So I was looking at the available options and saw what I wanted, but darned if I could remember what those little green round things were called. She looked at me with a puzzled expression and said, "You mean pickles?" I'm fairly certain she thinks I'm a complete moron.

In related moronic news, I tried for the very first time to "chunk" my hair, which is where you take strands of hair and lighten it. It didn't work. The holes in the hat thing it came with were way too small for very much hair to go through and you could barely tell anything was done to it. So I ended up taking the whole damned mixture and glopping it on my head. The end result is... different. Blame my mother. She did the glopping. And, no, I won't take a picture! Don't even ask. :)

I shouldn't have gotten out of bed this morning. But I did manage to solve a work-related problem (no, it wasn't my fault! Really!) and didn't crash or anything on my Purple Plaything. That's always a good thing.

In music news, I have an electric guitar which I don't play because, well, I can't. But it was a gift from my favorite commercial web site, CDNOW.com, because I sell their stuff on my web sites so they like me. It's autographed by the duo America (think back a couple decades to "Horse With No Name" and "Sister Golden Hair"). It sits atop my mother's piano (she plays, I can plunk out some Christmas songs) on a stand. My nephew, bless his little heart, asked to play it... which he's done before, so I said sure. So a minute later he walks in and said he accidentally broke a string. Which he did.

Now, to those who are familiar with replacing strings on guitars probably thinks this is no big deal. But I'm clueless. So today I called the local music repair place, fearful of how much it would cost to fix the thing. Remember, I'm clueless. They said a dollar for the string and a dollar to put it on the guitar. Wow. After striking terror into the heart of my nephew about having to pay for it (isn't that what all good aunts do?? ;) ), I get to tell him he owes me two whole dollars. Somehow that seems anti-climatic.

In conclusion, if any of you ever doubted my sanity, wonder no more. I think it's rather clear I have no sanity to speak of.

This just in -- according to a completely factual commercial (aren't they all?), penguins drink Canada Dry ginger ale. And now you know.

What's New:

Tuesday August 7, 2001

Random Ramblings (by Celine) Someone (Raven), and I'm not naming names (Raven), is going to be having a birthday in a couple of weeks. This is true, despite what the unnamed person (Raven) might say. In fact, this person (Raven) swears she's not going to have any more birthdays, but I know this to be untrue. I'm smart that way.

So I don't know what to get her. She said she could use some Post-It Notes, but somehow that doesn't seem to quite work as a birthday... er, non-birthday gift. Perhaps a variety of Post-It Notes styles and colors? Maybe they make a "Stick 'Em Up: A Complete Guide to Post-It Notes" book?

Hmmm. Oh, decisions, decisions...

Maybe I should hire a stripper. To come to her workplace. Yeah... just think of the possibilities with that one! Maybe a Strip-O-Gram! A Xena impersonator! Hehe... or I could be truly evil and send a Joxer impersonator.

AAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Ahem. Sorry. That image is just too disturbing. Forgive me for even mentioning it.

Spiffy Fan Fic Covers:

Calli has added a few new fan fic covers to her awesome site, Calli's Creations. They're for "Just One Of Those Things" by Mavis "Girls Kick Ass" Applewater, "The Hellcat Series" by Barbara "Hellcat Kicks Ass" Davies, and "Conquered" by Leslie "Xena Kicks Ass" Miller. They're all very nifty. And so are the authors. And the stories... the stories are nifty. Okay, I haven't read Mavis' yet, because it isn't finished. But I've read her other stories, and they are all nifty, so I'm sure this one will be, too. Yep. In fact, I recommend them all.

What's New:

Monday August 6, 2001

Raven's Ravings(by Little ole me!)

********************Alert Alert ***Hot Off The Presses :) or Site Postings!!*******

****Call for Submissions

Yellow Rose Books, the alternative romance division of Renaissance Alliance Publishing, Inc. is currently filling its publication schedule for the rest of 2001 and for 2002. Unlike some other publishers, we do not solicit manuscripts because we have a limited number of manuscripts that we accept per year, so we want to make sure that every author has a fair chance of being considered for publication. To learn more about RAP, Inc. visit http://www.rapbooks.com. If you are interested in submitting a manuscript, please consult and follow our submission guidelines at http://www.rapbooks.com/yrbsubmission.html. We look forward to reading your submissions."

  • Parts 1 & 2 of The Light Fantastic by L.A. Tucker posted on Academy of Bards(Beyond Uber Alt)
    This is a humorous and romantic present-day Uber, set in a small Northeastern town on the shores of Lake Erie.Sara D'Amico has reluctantly returned to Stonecreek after a decade-long absence hoping to heal and rediscover her inner strengths. Immersed in the oddest of situations with an equally peculiar set of family members, plus new and old friends, Sara helplessly falls for the charms of the somewhat unpredictable local librarian.This story touches on the varied musical themes of 'We Are Family', 'Should I Stay Or Should I Go?', 'I Touch Myself', 'Oh, What A Beautiful Mornin'.........and especially, that we are all a little 'Crazy.'

  • Road To Glory By Advocate (Blayne Cooper) and T. Novan posted to Midgit's Small Corner of the Xenaverse(Beyond Uber Alt)
    The Road to Glory is a romance played in reverse. It's about two women who meet and fall instantly in lust and the bumpy journey they take from there to love.
    ***Raven's Highest Recommendation! IF you have not read it yet your missing out!! This is truly a delightful tale that is full of charm, humor and .. um some hot stuff to keep your heart going :) Another winner from this bardic team!! This story truly shows that no matter what road you travel fate has a way helping you find your way home!!

Sunday August 5, 2001

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

You know, I feel a definite void when our lovely Beyond Uber editor Raven isn't on the internet. It's sad, really. She's the inspiration for this site and list, the driving force behind all that is Beyond Uber. That, and she sends me nifty stuff. Like all those nifty autographs of all the bards and other spiffy folks. She's a very cool person.

But don't tell her I said so, 'kay? Wouldn't want her to get a big head or anything. ;)

In other news, I again didn't have a life today, so I have nothing of interest to report. That sucks. I can't even think of something to make up. Darn.

What's New:

Saturday August 4, 2001

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

IMPORTANT RAVEN ANNOUNCEMENT: Our lovely Beyond Uber editor Raven's internet connection is completely down until at least Sunday afternoon, which is when the techs come to try to fix it. So if you have sent her any email which has bounced, that's why. Try again Sunday evening, or thereafter. Also, any bards who have sent her updates which I haven't posted in the last day or so, please email the updates to me at uber@wvi.com and I'll get them in. Thanks.

Which means she didn't see my post last night about the "quickie." Heh. She'll get me for that soon enough.

In other news, I broke my sunglasses today. Not exactly sure how, either. Just lucky, I guess. And I can't even claim it's Tango the Wonder Kitten's fault this time, as I was at the bank drive-thru when it happened. And Tango wasn't. Bummer.

Hmmm. I can't think of anything else to ramble about. Life was pretty boring today. Got my new used laptop today... nothing exciting there. Umm.... Tango didn't try to kill me today...

Pfffffffffffffft. I need a life. Anyone have one I can buy? Lease? I'll let you pet Tango if you do.

What's New:

  • To Be... Or Not? By Greek Warrior posted at the Merpup Academy (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Victoria's job change moves her to a bigoted town where she meets Catherine. Is Catherine the person to unlock Vic's wary heart or is she just as unscrupulous as some of the other people Vic's had the displeasure of meeting? Complete.

  • Stud By Sarah Berry posted at Minerva's Domain (Beyond Uber Alt)
    It's about sex and love and a woman with more attitude than any one person needs. (Join Sherry's email list at SBerrysStories-subscribe@yahoogroups.com for sneak previews of various projects as she gets them to the rough draft stage.)

  • Night And Day - Part 15 Updated By JuneBug posted at her site (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • The Cat Burglar By DevenK posted at Detfig's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Summary pending. Complete.

  • Someone To Watch Over Me - Part 1 By JM Dragon posted at her site (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Summary pending. Continuing story.

  • The Road Back Home - Part 17 By Lynne Norris posted at her site (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story. (or download from a mirror site)

Friday August 3, 2001

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

Yep, it's me. Raven's at work until late and Singer's off on vacation. But that's okay, because you all like me best, anyway, right? RIGHT??????? SAY YES OR I'LL... uh, I'll... um. Hmm.

Ahem. Sorry for that minor outburst. It shan't happen again.

Maybe.

So I received a phone call this evening from our lovely Beyond Uber editor, Raven, who said she was still at work, eatin' dinner, and that she needed a dinner time distraction, and that I was alive so I qualified. I told her all she wanted was a warm body, then I asked her if we were having a quickie. The silly lady said she wasn't goin' there. Then later the silly lady said she had to get back to work, so I said I guessed the quickie was over, and was it good for her?

She may never speak to me ever again, of course, but it's fun to make her speechless, which I actually succeeded in doing once. Briefly. It's not easy to do. ;) I also threatened to talk about our "quickie" in this post. I'm pretty sure she didn't think I was serious, although she did call me evil. So if the shoe fits...

Anyway, on to other news... Tango the Wonder Kitten just knocked of a metal CD holder thingie from a shelf above my head. It came about a foot away from hitting my little ol' noggin. That was fun. After my near death experience, Tango climbed down and looked at the CD holder like he was impressed with his destructive abilities. Now he's on my bed bathing himself like nothing's wrong. I guess to him, nothing is.

And here I was thinking he'd been really good in the destructive department. Shows you what I know.

In another month I'm going to have to update Tango the Wonder Kitten's moniker, as he won't be a kitten anymore. Yes, friends, on September 1 he'll be a year old. Seems like just yesterday that I brought him home just before Halloween, a little orange furball who would one day turn into Destructo Boy. *sniff* He's come so far.

In Published Bards News:

Awesome bard and cow lover Dreams has a great story which is going to be published by Shady Ladies Press. Yep, "Alix & Valerie" is gonna be published. Congrats, Dreams! If you want to read Dreams' stories, and you know you do, head on over to:

On to the updates... since it's been a few days since our last update posting, I'm a little lost as to what's been posted and what hasn't. So bear with me, eh?

What's New:

  • Tales Of Two - Part 5 By K. Darblyne and WolfDragon posted at Amazon Nation (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Earth Angel By C.E. Gray posted at the Athenaeum (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Complete. Summary pending.

  • The Hunt - Part 4 Conclusion By Teagen2 posted at the Athenaeum (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Conclusion.

  • Ms. O'Connor Goes To Washington - Part 3 By S. Lee posted at the Athenaeum (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Love's Last Yearning - Conclusion By balticbard posted at Lustful Bard (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Conclusion.

  • Convergence - Part 31 Conclusion By Kandis Glasgow posted at MaryD's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Conclusion. Semi-uber, semi-not-uber. *****Celine Recommends*****

  • First - Part 8 By Kim "KP" Pritekel posted at Eternal Soulmates (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story. (I can't wait for this one to be finished so I can read it!)

  • What Goes On Behind Closed Doors - Part 9 By Infinitely Abstruse posted at the Merpup Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Snap Shots II - Part 8 By MJ posted at the Merpup Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story. *****Celine Recommends*****

  • Gun Shy By Lorelei (Lori L. Lake) posted at the Merpup Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Complete. Awesome story. *****Celine Recommends*****

  • Under the Gun - Part 1 By Lorelei (Lori L. Lake) posted at the Merpup Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Sequel to Gun Shy. Continuing story.

  • Amazon Awakenings By Dawn Lemanne posted at the Merpup Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Set in Great Britain at the cusp of the Renaissance, this is the tale of the pious but troubled young noblewoman Riell, Christian heir to her Crusader father's powerful realm, who learns of her pagan Amazon heritage from a darkly beautiful assassin named Alexandra, who has come to kill her and usurp her throne. Instead, a forbidden love unites them, igniting the wrath of the Church and forcing Riell to choose honor, duty, and faith, or a passion that will cost her everything, including her soul, and will alter the course of world history...

  • It's Only A Game Show - Part 2 By S. Eliot posted at the Merpup Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Reece's Faith - Chapters 50 and 51 By Vertigo posted at the Merpup Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • The Voodoo That You Do - Part 11 By K. Simpson (ROCFanKat) posted at the Devil's Workshop (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

Thursday August 2, 2001

Raven's Ravings(from The Raven Nut Herself)

Sorry folks but due to my Real Life work load and Singer being out of town and Celine Pc having a fit we have been unable to update. I have a major project due and am tryinnnng to take Friday and Monday off and I should be able to catch everything up then.

Thanks for all the emails of concern and I truly tried each day but sometimes RL does not cooperate. Keep an eye here and we will be back to normal posting soon!!!

RAVEN

The Beyond Uber What's New from July has been archived