What's New Archive

What's New - April, 2002


(Click here to go back to the Archive index)

Sunday April 28, 2002

Raven's Ravings (by Raven.. who else)

Goooood Evening.. I alway did like Alfred Hitchcock ;)

Well folk before we get on with the fiction tonight I wanted to share with you a review of a new movie I got to see today. Its called Life or Something Like It... I HIGHLY Recommend it! Very enjoyable and it is not hard to watch Angelina Jolie on screen even if she is a blond ;) I am sure you will enjoy it .. if not.. well hell I do my best ;)

Now on with some great Fiction... ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Shadows of the Soul By Melissa Good posted Bard's Corner (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Missy writes her first Conqueror story! Don't Miss.. I know it's not Uber exactly but I alway promote great fiction ;)

  • Champion Part 3 By Melissa Good posted Bard's Corner(Beyond Uber Alt)
    The latest from Xena/Gabrielle tale from this wonderful author!

  • Merwolf Cave
    This is where you can find all of Melissa Good's works from Uber to Xena!
    Raven HIGHEST Recommendation for all of her works...Go and Enjoy!!!

  • Habaname Part 7 By by Ana Ortiz posted on Bard's Corner (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • The Crazed Ramblings Of A Madwoman By Verrath posted Bard's Corner (Beyond Uber Alt)
    This is a uber story, even though it has the one, the only, true, life-sized Xena in it.

  • Dreams By ROCshadow posted ROCshadow's Corner (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Download 1-27 By Jules Mathews posted on Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Again Part 3 By Kim Pritekel posted Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Raven Recommends

  • Distances Part 2 By Grit Jahning posted on Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Insideout Part 12 By LA Tucker posted Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story. Raven Recommends

  • Brass Ring Part 20 By Mavis Applewater posted on Finding Mavis Site (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Raven Highly Recommends this one!!! Check out her other tales on the site!!

  • Water's Edge By Mavis Applewater posted Finding Mavis (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Don't read at work :)

  • Tie Break Part 10 By Bonnie posted on Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Shorogejo - The Weeping Maid By Nene Adams posted Corrie Web (Beyond Uber Alt)
    The latest tale in the series of the Floating World, the Island of Wa, a long lost and mythological place resembling ancient Japan where deities and demons bestride the earth; a place where heroic samurai and beautiful courtesans must battle ghosts, monsters, ogres, devils and sorcerers as well as the evils of the human heart.
    Raven Highly Recommends .

Saturday April 27, 2002

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

You know, you guys are just the best. Literally within 10 minutes of my sending the last post, I had three emails telling me the story ID title and bard for the summary included in the post. The story is:

It's semi-unfinished, meaning book one of the story is up, and book two (starting with chapter nine) is apparently in the works, according to a notice on April's site, dated April 14. She's one of my favorite bards, but I hadn't read Welcome To Paradise because of it's unfinished status. So I, as well as the person looking for the story, are very appreciative of all the emails sent with the info.

In other news, the guy working on my Purple Plaything still doesn't know what's wrong with it. I don't know either, but whatever it is, I think it infected my little 3-wheeled scooter, as well. I talked with the repair shop on that thing, and they replaced the throttle on it thinking that was the problem (with a 3 week waiting period to get the parts in), and it didn't fix it. So they're stumped, too. On the plus side, they did send out a loaner little scooter today. So now I have a wee bit of transportation (the scooter goes about 4.5mph), when it's not raining (the scooter is electric). Which it is today, of course. :)

In Tango the Wonder Kitty news, he has finally defied my high tech rubber band defense system on the bathroom cupboards, so I'm either going to have to find a better defense, or keep him out of the bathroom when I bathe. I really hate to do the second... hey, I should take the water bottle in with me. Duh, I should have thought of that sooner. He's not fond of the water bottle.

He is, however, fond of me. I know this because his main goal in life lately is to snuggle. At night, he snuggles all night long. During the day, he's usually laying in my lap. When I'm working at my computer, he's climbing all over, trying to get me to move my keyboard so he can lay in my lap. He's a bit obsessed.

You know, it figures. I finally get someone who absolutely does all they can to get next to me, and he's a cat. ;)

Talk show topics...

Jerry Springer: Surprise: I'm Having Your Baby!
(Jerry's having my baby?! He swore he was using protection!)

What's New:

  • The Inside Out - Part 12 By L.A. Tucker posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • After All Is Said - Part 7 By Mezzo posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Again - Part 3 By Kim Pritekel posted at the Merwolf Academy of bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

Friday April 26, 2002

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

Let us start with some interesting talk show topics:

Jerry Springer: I'm Dumping the Man Who Got Me Pregnant for My Pimp

Jerry Springer: I'm in Love With a Dead Fish

I don't know what to say to either one of those, in all honesty. That Jerry Springer... always has his finger on the pulse of what really matters in today's society: pimps and dead fish. Maybe we should flush them all down the toilet and be done with it.

Oh, sure, I know the dead fish in question likely isn't an actual fish (although, really, with Jerry Springer you just never know), but flushing them down the toilet still might be the best solution.

Story ID Alert:

Yep, friends, it's that time again. here's the summary:

"The story I am looking for takes place on an island. The uber G is an architect designing and building a resort. The uber X is a bartender that lives on the island. For the life of me I cannot remember the author or the name of it. It was on my other PC that sort of blew up. Long sad story, sniff. Thanks for any help you can give me."

If you know of this story, please me know at uber@wvi.com, and I forward it along, and post the info here. Thank you, as always.

Story Site Closing:

I meant to mention this sooner, but there's still almost a month to go before it closes. Tigg's site at:

Will be closing by May 21, 2002. So be sure to save any stories posted there before it leaves. This site will definitely be missed.

What's New:

Thursday April 25, 2002

Raven's Ravings (by Raven)

Gooood Evening!!!

Hope your all doing well and enjoying the fiction!

Don't have too much to say today so lets just move on to the important stuff.. like FICTION!!

Wednesday April 24, 2002

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

Yesterday I bought nine parsley plants for my nephew's guinea pig, at $0.99 each. I spent nine dollars to buy parsley for my nephew's guinea pig. Seems kinda odd. But, in reality (a place I vigilantly try to avoid), it's a smart thing to do. We can put 'em in pots in the back yard and they'll provide food for the pig all summer long. And the pig uh... well, she pigs out on parsley. It's her favorite thing in the world to eat.

But it's still kinda odd. I can't stand parsley myself, but the piggie loves (read: inhales) it, so there ya go.

In Palm news, mine is dead. I'm not sure why yet, but it just doesn't want to work any longer. It's a happy thing I have another -- my mother's, which she never uses -- so I'm not stuck without one. If I were, I'd probably shrivel up and die. So I HotSync'ed my Mom's to include all my stuff... namely, stories and a few games, so everything's as it was before. One day, though, I'm going to get a color handheld. Oh, yes. I will.

No word still on what's wrong with the Purple Plaything. I miss her. You know, the feel of her between my legs... the power, the vibration, the speed...

Um, I think I need a cold shower.

In other news, again, several of you came through to ID the story summary from the other day... it was "Xena's Fantasy" by Kodi Wolf:

When I emailed the person who was looking of the story, she had this to say:

"YES, YES, OH GODS YES!!! This is it!!! Thanks so much!!!"

I'm fairly certain she was happy to have the story identified. I could be wrong.

What's New:

Tuesday April 23, 2002

Raven's Ravings(by Raven)

Hello all you wonderful folk!

I thought I would give a bit of an eye update .. I just got my eyes checked (I got Lazer Surgery in January) and I passed my exam with flying colors!!! I still have 20/20 vision.. Hooray! So I don't have to see the doctor again for my one year anniversary ;)
This is fantastic and the best money I have ever spent.. our office now has had 11 people that have had this done and all are very happy.. we are thinking of starting our own two eyes club!!

To those who contacted me to help I am putting together the list of sites and instructions and will be contacting you before Friday to map out the schedule and details of the tasks. THANK YOU!!

Now in Art news I have found these wonderful sits that have some great art work to check out!!

Now ON with some great fiction

  • Seeing You Again For The First Time Part 19 By Colleen posted on ForevaXena (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Raven Highly Recommends!!!

  • Fate Part 9 By HLKaia's posted on ForevaXena (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Raven HIGHLY Recommends this story .. don't miss!!

  • Crazed Ramblings of a Madwomen Part 1 By Verrath's posted on Athenaeum (Beyond Uber Alt)

  • After All Is Said part 1-3 By Mezzo's posted on Athenaeum(Beyond Uber Alt)

  • The Promise Part 3 Section 4 (Conclusion) By JM Dragon's posted on Athenaeum (Beyond Uber Alt)

  • Gentle Sunset Part 4 By Erin O'Rielly's posted on Athenaeum(Beyond Uber Alt)

  • The Whereabouts of Love By Balticbard's posted on her site (Beyond Uber Alt)

  • A New Goal In Life Part 7 By Ri posted on Athenaeum (Beyond Uber Alt)

  • The Long Road Home part 19 By Lynne Norris posted on Amazon Trails (Beyond Uber Alt)

  • The Magic of the Heart part 2 By CJ Harte posted on Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Susan Hettinger is a successful Chief Financial Officer for a venture capital company specializing in entertainment production. She sees her life as shades of gray, but likes the order and control. When M.J. Carson enters her life, Susan finds panoramic color, but she also gets chaos, passion, and a roller coaster life. As her world and her emotions spin out of control, she struggles to understand the feelings for and about the complex woman she loves.

  • A Soldier's Peace part 6 By SB Zarben's posted on Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)

  • Brass Ring Part 20 By Mavis Applewater posted on Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Raven HIGHEST Recommendation!!! Not to be missed!!!

  • Habaname part 7 By Ana Ortiz' posted on Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)

  • Impulse: Book One AFTER ALL IS SAID part 5 and 6 By Mezzo's posted on Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)

  • Journeys part 2 by Mary Michaels posted on on WordscWape Ficton [gen]
    Through their journey of life, Andree, Celia, Susan, and Marie, knew the one thing they could always depend upon was their friendship.

  • Winter By Emily Mills posted n Wordscape Fiction (Beyond Uber GEN)
    A very short story about young girls' painful first memory, and how it altered her life.

  • The Guardian Chapter 3 by Jules Kurre posted on Wordscape Fiction (Beyond Uber Alt)
    In this sequel to Bar Girls, Keagan and Rudy are co-workers at Tandem Publishing, but it becomes apparent that Keagan isn't cut out to be an editor. Will she finally reveal the truth to Rudy about why she quit writing or will their relationship fall prey to time, deceit, and Keagan's insecurities?

Monday April 22, 2002

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

So, earlier I was sitting in my bedroom floor, and I looked over and noticed something sticking out from under my printer stand. It turned out to be a plate. I don't know how a plate found its way under my printer stand. Truthfully, I don't want to know. There was also a CD under there, and one of my little M&M dudes.

In Tango the Wonder Kitty news, he... oh, it's so hard to say. Well, he didn't come into the bathroom with me when I took my bath! He ignored me and just laid on my bed like I wasn't calling me. Usually, he's there in the bathroom before I can even blink. *sigh*

But then later he was climbing all over me, rubbing up against everything in site to get some attention. Men. It's always when *they* want it, isn't it? ;)

In thank you news, Thorie asked me to thank all of you who identified the Justice In Walses stories, so... thank you.

Another story ID alert!

Here's the description:

"I'm looking for a story. It's a first time story, in which Xena has trouble conveying her feelings (overwhelming sexual desire) for Gabrielle. (Pretty standard so far...lol) So she concocts a plan to make love to Gabrielle without the bard knowing it. She slips sleeping herbs into a drink to knock Gab out for a while. She takes Gab to a secluded, wooded area and binds Gab spreadeagled between two trees."

So, if you know the story (and I know you do), please send me an email at uber@wvi.com, and I'll pass it on. It will be greatly appreciated. The story sounds... um, interesting.

What's New:

Sunday April 21, 2002

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

Oh, people. We have another treat for y'all... Carrie's AJ has sent us another ramble, and it has a mini-story contained within!! And it has officially been deemed "spiffy" by me, so you know it's good.

:-)

But first -- about a zillion of you wrote to inform me the story in need of ID'ing is by Enginerd, and can be found at Enginerd's site at:

Under the 'Xena and Gabrielle' section, and is one of a half dozen stories in the 'Justice In Walsas' series. Thank you to all who wrote. You guys rock, as always.

And a side note -- my scooter has finally made its purple little way into a shop, so hopefully one day it will get accurately diagnosed, get fixed, and come home. *sigh*

Now, (insert Ed McMahon's voice here) here's the ramble:

-------------------

I was wondering if I could compose a story that listed the phrases and clichés that have come to be the most irritating to me due to their overuse. I think that there must be a manual somewhere that lists clichés to use in order to write uber fan fiction. If I ever find it, I'm going to burn it.

In the meantime, I thought I'd put them all together into a short, short story so that if any of you are inspired to use any of these clichés in a story that you are writing, or that you may intend to write, what I've just done might put a halt to that notion right away.

The title?

I Must Love Uber Fan Fic Because I Read It Despite All This.

I released the breath that I didn't know I was holding when I saw her piercing blue eyes peering into the depths of my soul. As I was admiring her chiseled features, she touched me and the spark was electric.

She barely noticed my short blond hair since she was staring into my eyes. Her cerulean blue captured my verdant green.

She had offered to buy me dinner, and when she went to pay for it, she used her American Express Gold Card, which she had named Argo. "I don't leave home without it," she said.

I didn't mind so much that she had named her credit card, but she used to go off to a quiet place and bare her soul to it as she stroked it fondly. "You understand, me; don't you, girl?" I often heard her ask her golden friend.

I worried about that, but she had so many other things to offer that I chalked it up to her tortured past. And, as a bard, whatever the hell that is because no one in their right mind calls themselves that these days, I can appreciate a side trip into the wild world of imagination.

Besides, I often had flights of fancy where I saw myself riding behind her leather covered body on a different "Argo." A golden palomino, you ask? No, her waterbed.

She used very few words, the big, dumb warrior.

"Warrior? I'm no warrior," she argued. "I'm a doctor, lawyer, corporate exec who uses my body as a weapon and has had sex many times but has never made love until you came along. I'd tell you that I love you, but you'd hate me, so I'm going to hide my feelings until some circumstances places our faces so close to each other that we can breathe the same air. Then I'm going to kiss you, brushing my lips against yours and running my tongue over your upper lip. Then we're going to have an anatomy lesson in the guise of having a love scene."

"Wow!" I said, "This is the most you've ever spoken to anyone! I feel so honored that you've bared your soul to me."

She looked down at her hands, pensively. Her tortured past coming to haunt her expression. I could see her close herself off from the pain. But I was determined to make her talk to me.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"It's my tortured past. You see, my younger brother was killed when I shot off my big mouth and said that I could beat any punk in my neighborhood, or in the surrounding neighborhoods, and a rival gang gutted him like a fish. I've not spoken much since then."

"But that's all in the past. You're a different person. And you're really sexy in that leather outfit." She looked at me, puzzled. "You know, the one that you wear when we have our anatomy lessons."

She smiled, understanding at last. Okay, so she's a little slow, she got her brother killed with her big mouth, and she talks to her credit card. But, oh, when she wears that leather.....

The end.

-- Carrie's AJ (jantrumbo@attbi.com, http://jantrumbo.home.attbi.com)

-------------------

*sniff* That's a beautiful story, AJ. It makes me want to go out and buy leather and find someone with which to share it. You're such a good bard.

Whatever that means.

What's New:

Saturday April 20, 2002

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

Tango the Wonder Kitty was laying on top of my monitor all pretty like the other day, so I took a couple of pictures. Wanna see?

The first one's a close-up of his royal highness. The second one shows more scenery... namely, my ROC autographed photo, my lava lamp, etc., in the background. He was fresh from a catnip induced high, so he was feelin' no pain.

In ID'ing stories news, someone's looking for this:

"Hi, I'm trying to place the title and where I can get a Xena and Gabrielle story, the only thing that I can remember about the story is that Gabriel has two sisters and the older ones name is Sarah and the younger ones name is Lila the older one ends up marrying Meleager. If you or one of your readers can help me I would be very grateful."

If you know it, please let me know (uber@wvi.com) and I'll pass it along. In related news, if anyone has a copy of the story, "Ship of Dreams" (based on the Titanic, with Janice and Mel), it would be very spiffy if you could send it on over to odie29@wilnet1.com). Thank ya much.

Speaking of Meleager, the guy who played him on Xena has been on Days of Our Lives, my one soap opera vice, as a recurring character. Too bad ROC isn't riding into town to defend him for something or other. That would be spiffy to the extreme.

What's New:

Thursday April 18, 2002

Ravens Ravings (by Raven)

Helllooooooo... believe it or not its me.. little ole Raven!
I wanted to thank Celine for being such a great sport in careing for the site these past few months while real life has been attacking Singer and myself. It has been a wild time work, sleep.. sick, work .. you get the picture.. not a pretty thing.

I apologize to all those who have tried to contact me or assist us here at Beyond Uber .. as I truly have been overwhelmed. I am trying to get a handle on life and appreciate your patience... and hope to be working with all you great authors and readers on a more regular basis.

I have a little update for you all to enjoy and if you know of other stories or are still interested in assisting us please drop me a line. I am looking for someone to look for stories and if they have time at some point post here a day or two on Beyond Uber.

Now on with the fiction !!!

  • Flames of a Soul By Larisa posted on Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    When a multi car pile up involving a gasoline tanker happens on Eastbound Rt. 70, every firestation with in miles is called out. Jake isn't what the you would call the perfect firefighter, rules were made to be broken and she breaks them continuously. On every call she risks her life for others, waiting for the day when the flames will consume her and end her pain. Going against a direct order, she wanders off and finds the flames that will consume her. In the fiery green eyes of a trapped accident victim.

  • Houdini Box Part 10 By Girl Bard posted on Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • A Soldier's Peace - Part 5 By SB Zarben Posted on Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Again - Part 1 By Kim Pritekel posted on Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    From different sides of the proverbial tracks, but become best friends during college, finding an impossible love that can never be. Separated for ten years by life and time, Caden becomes ill, asking for Laurel to return to Boston just in case something goes wrong. Now they must try and find their friendship all over again, and each other. Continuing story. Raven Highly Recommends!!!!

  • Blue Dragon's Tales of the Kirgeur Parts 2-4 By Blue Dragon posted on Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Raven Recommends

  • Bloodlines Part 14 By Kodi Wolf posted on Kodi Wolf's Xena FF (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Of Love and Honor Part 10a By WarriorGab posted on ROCshadow's Corner (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • The Reality in Dreams - Parts 1 - 3 By A. Tietz posted on Mary D's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • For The Love of a Woman By S. Anne Gardner posted on Mary D (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Raven Recommends!!

  • Fool For Love By Erin Jennifer posted on Academy Bard (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Complete.

  • Golden Gate Part 6 By Erin Jennifer posted on Mary D's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Raven Recommends

  • The Promise Part 3-4 By JM Dragon posted on Mary D's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

Tuesday April 16, 2002

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

Did you ever have a desire to just bounce, for no apparent reason... no for happiness... just, bounce for the sake of bouncing?

Yeah, me either.

Oh, more thing before I turn you over to our guest rambler person. Today I bought a toy... have you seen those rubber things which are tubular things... um, they fold inside themselves and are slippery little devils. Okay, so that sounds bad. But I'm not sure how to describe them. Uh... how about a picture?

Yeah, so it looks like a short, green phallus. But it's not. It's a perfectly innocent toy. I remember they were popular when I was in 8th grade, and I always wanted one. So now I have one. And it's nifty.

And, despite it not being a phallus, I did feel compelled to name it... Willie. Also, despite its being a perfectly innocent toy, I also remember the toy was banned at my school after a few days of it being around. I didn't understand why back then, but I think I do now. ;)

Okay, boys and girls, it's time for a travelogue from nifty bard Cephalgia (you can find her stories at the Academy of Bards... and you should, really). She recently made the trek from California to North Carolina, and actually lived to tell about it. She's a brave, brave woman. And did so without *any* firearms or related items. Which is a good thing. You'll see why below.

--------

Written: 04/14/02

I started near Sacramento, California. Driving overnight I made my way down to Las Vegas, Nevada where I enjoyed the company of my family for a week. I had a lot of business to transact there because I don't get home all that often. I gambled a little and won just enough to pay for a movie, medium popcorn and a medium soft drink at the theater. I tell you $75 doesn't go as far as it used to, especially at the movies.

After a week I bid a fond farewell to my kinfolk and headed my pick-up toward North Carolina. I got all of 45 minutes from the house when I was pulled over at Hoover Dam. Since September 11th, no big trucks can cross the dam and all little ones are subject to search. Mine was. I unlocked the back and the police officer took a cursory glance inside. "No guns, no bazookas, no terrorists in there. You can go ahead and take off." That is a direct quote. I felt cheated. I wanted a body cavity search but apparently that was extra.

Crossing the dam pops you into Arizona and Mountain Time. Well, it would but because Arizona doesn't observe daylight savings time it is now on Pacific Time. I drove an hour to Kingman, Arizona where I hit Interstate 40. I head east and this road will take me within a mile of my apartment in Wilmington. The drive through Arizona is quiet as it always is at night. You go from high desert to mountains to high desert again. It was pretty cold in the mountains and when I stopped for gas in Flagstaff and I said to myself as I glanced down at my shirt, "Either the temperature is low or I've been reading too much of Mavis' PWP's."

Heading out over the desert I crossed into New Mexico. New Mexico is one of my favorite states, mostly for its diversity. When I lived in Albuquerque I came to realize hot air balloon madness isn't just during the balloon festival. I wasn't disappointed as 2 hot air balloons were ascending into the orange and blue sunrise. It's a beautiful sight and you can't quite stop watching them.

Mid-day was approaching as I crossed into Texas. I-40 only crosses a small portion of the Great State (I learned to call it that when I lived in San Antonio, they insisted.) Police presence was massive on that piece of highway. I started feeling guilty seeing all those cops even though I had done nothing wrong. I think they count on that. Anyway, I don't have much to say for Texas except a quick note to the area around Amarillo. Can we please back the cattle feed lots just a LITTLE way back from the highway...PLEASE?! It was almost enough to put me off my beef jerky. Almost.

I ended day one by pulling into the first town in Oklahoma.

Day two started at about midnight. I couldn't sleep and thought I might as well be driving. I had forgotten how windy Oklahoma was. When I worked in Oklahoma City, I could sit at a traffic light and feel the wind literally swaying my truck. I highly recommend OKC as a place to live. I found the people to be open and friendly in that non-pushy midwestern way and this was a year after the bombing of the Federal Building. I have nothing but good things to say about Oklahoma but I could do without the tornados.

Oklahoma took most of the night to cross and then I was into Arkansas. I saw one highway trooper and about a billion road cones. Construction is rampant there and it's needed badly. The new roads are smooth and the old ones suck. They may be doing a bunch of construction but at least they're doing it right.

Mid-afternoon found me crossing the Mississippi River into Tennessee. Police presence went up a hundred percent and the humidity went up a thousand. Memphis was sultry and I had the air conditioning on even though it was only in the upper 70's. Matters were made worse by an overturned big rig near Nashville. I love sitting out on a hot interstate about as much as I care for oral surgery. My patience was wearing thin. It took me the rest of the day to get to Knoxville where I spent night two.

Day three was easy, only about 420 miles. I would get a motel and glide the last 60 miles into Wilmington on Day four with just enough strength left to unload the truck and unpack everything in the apartment. It was not to be though. I sat in the Great Smokey Mountains for an hour while highway crews scrambled to move the burning RV out of traffic. The Smokey's were living up their name that day. There was a fine mist of rain along with high fog or low clouds, I'm not sure which. I crossed into North Carolina and my objective was in sight.

Traffic crawled to a halt in Raleigh at 5 p.m. but I was pleasantly surprised by one thing. Raleigh smelled good, like soap maybe. I can't explain it, I just enjoyed it. I continued down I-40 and in a bow to my Polish roots, I stayed in the small town of Warsaw.

The next morning, which was today, I slid into Wilmington without incident and here I sit safely ensconced in my apartment with my shoes off and my body moderately happy for the first time in days. 2,481 miles in 3 1/2 days. Ugh. It was long and tedious at times but there was one constant. People were friendly and polite and it once again reminded me how fortunate I am to live in this country.

-- Cephalgia (cephalgia@hotmail.com)

--------

As an added bonus, a talk show topic:

Ricki Lake: Surprise, You're Not My Only Lover!
(Is Ricki trying to tell this to the audience, a specific person, or is someone on the show telling this to Ricki? Just curious.)

And another added bonus, a story by Kodi Wolf:

Kodi's written an alt story set in the Facts of Life realm (Jo/Blaire). It's a cute little one-shot story, at:

... in case you're interested. 'Cause, I don't know about you, but Jo... I really liked Jo. ;)

What's New:

  • The Promise - Sections 3 and 4 Conclusion By JM Dragon posted at MaryD's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Conclusion.

  • Golden Gate - Part 5 By Erin Jennifer posted at MaryD's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Connecting Hearts - Part 5 By Cephalgia and MJ posted at Lynka's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story. *****Celine Recommends*****

  • The Chosen By Verda Foster posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Set in a mythical, medieval world where a sadistic sovereign rules the land; A world of extremes where you are either slave or master, and women have little say in the course of their lives. When Lord Athol sends his only daughter to meet the man he has chosen as her husband, fate intervenes and she is caught in the middle of a slave rebellion that will wrench her away from everything she has ever known. Roslin finds herself strangely drawn to the leader of an army of rebel slaves and terrified they will discover that she is not only not one of them, but the daughter of the man they hate most in the world. Complete.

  • Again - Part 1 By Kim Pritekel posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    From different sides of the proverbial tracks, but become best friends during college, finding an impossible love that can never be. Separated for ten years by life and time, Caden becomes ill, asking for Laurel to return to Boston just in case something goes wrong. Now they must try and find their friendship all over again, and each other. Continuing story.

  • Tales of Kirgeur - Parts 2 through 4 By Blue Dragon posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Women on the Rebound - Part 8 By KC Kirkwood posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

Monday April 15, 2002

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

It's been too, too long, friends. I feel... I feel as if a rift has come between us. You know what we need? A good musical to heal the rift, ala Bitter Suite. And I think I have just the song. Yes, friends, it's the theme to one of my favorite cartoons, Spongebob Squarepants.

Ohhhh... who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Spongebob Squarepants!
Absorbent and yellow and porous is he
Spongebob Squarepants!
If nautical nonsense is something you wish
Spongebob Squarepants!
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob... Squarepants!

I feel better already. How about you? You feeling good? All right, then. Good deal.

For those who are wondering, Spongebob is a dapperly dressed sea sponge who lives in a sub-oceanianic town called Bikini Bottom, and is friends with a starfish named Patrick and a squirrel from Texas named Sandy Cheeks. If you get the Nickelodeon channel, you should check it out. It's very spiffy. And that darned theme song will stick in your head. At least, it sticks in *my* head. Constantly. It's a scary thing.

In other news, I'm feeling better right about now, so I thought I'd post. Of course, it's 2:20am, so I really have nothing better to do, anyway. Some would suggest sleep, but my rebellious body merely laughs at the notion. Bwahahahaha, it says.

In Tango the Wonder Kitty news, the other day I left the microwave open, which I was using to prepare culinary delights (reheating leftovers), because the pesky phone decided to ring. And Tango, bless his little radioactive heart, decided to climb in. It must not have been to his liking, though, because he only stayed a second.

In Tango-related bath news, I've developed an intricate system of rubberbanded cupboard handles, so Tango can't open them and climb in while I'm bathing. Oh, he tries, but eventually he gives up and tries to shred the toilet paper. He actually listens to me when I tell him to stop doing that, so all's well in the bathroom during bath time now.

I'm going to go try that sleep thing now. Be sure to tune in next time when I share a nifty travelogue from bard Cephalgia, where she chronicles her trip from California to North Carolina.

What's New:

Thursday April 11, 2002

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

Hi, all. I've still been down physically, so I've not been able to post. I greatly apologize, and will do my best to get back on track today or tomorrow. Also, Raven's going to start posting again a day or two a week, so it won't be just little ol' me, anymore. :)

Thank you to those who wrote expressing concern over my lack of posts. It's really nice to know folks care about me personally, as well as the site/list itself. As always, all of you rock big time. Oh, speaking of 'all of you'... I noticed the list passed 800 members the other day, and we're nearing one million hits on the what's new page at the site. That is very cool.

As a parting shot, some talk show topics...

Jerry Springer: I Starred in an Adult Film With My Boyfriend's Brother
(... And my cat's mother's friend's owner's hairdresser was the director!)

Jenny Jones: I'm Smart and My Looks Are off the Hook, But Guys Don't Give Me a Second Look
(Maybe it's your obsessive need to rhyme everything. That can get really annoying.)

Jerry Springer: My Lifelong Dream Is to Be a Transvestite Stripper
(And they say kids don't know "good" old fashioned values anymore.)

Monday April 8, 2002

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

Um. Have you ever slept for dang near 24 hours straight? I did that over the weekend. I'd been having a lot of trouble sleeping over the last week, and finally, on Friday through Sunday, it all caught up with me. On Friday I was pretty much dead, Saturday was a bit better, and Sunday I actually managed to stay awake longer than I thought I would be able to.

So this update is not really an update... I will send out a catch up post tomorrow, I just wanted to let you know, while I did fall of the face of the earth, I seem to have returned in one piece.

More or less.

:-)

Thursday April 4, 2002

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

It's presently 5am and I can't sleep. So you know what I just did? I watched a movie. Now, to you that may not sound like much, but for me, it's an event to mark on the calendar. Long time ramble readers may remember I have a bad habit of renting movies and not watching them, or buying movies and not watching them, or taping movies and not watching them. You may have noticed a trend in the preceding sentence.

Not that I don't like movies... I do. But for some strange reason, I have an aversion to actually watching them. But I bucked my own personal trend and actually watched one, "Miss Congeniality." Wow. I've only had it for a year. And now, I'm thinking of actually watching another.

Will wonders never cease?

No, wait... I think I'm actually getting tired now. Goodness, I hope so.

Uh, no. False alarm. Dang.

In other news, I read an article about some... um, interesting names some parents are giving their children nowadays.

Names like Poppy Honey, Cappuccino, Morpheus, Gouda, Veal... and many more. Note to all uber bards who read this: please, please, please... don't name any uber characters Veal. Or Gouda. Or Dung (I'm hoping this one has some redeeming ethnic origin of some sort). I'm begging you.

Talk Show Topics...

Jenny Jones: You're Teasin' Wasn't Easy, But Now My Looks Are Off the Heezy
(Yet again, I don't have a clue what this means)

Jerry Springer: I Like to Wear Diapers
(Um. Okay. Good for you, Jerry.)

What's New:

  • Not Going Fishing By Cassandra and Bik posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Bri and Zeena plan a weekend getaway to do some fishing. However packing becomes more of a challenge than either of them imagined. The fish can breathe a sigh of relief.

  • My West Coast Love By Heruda posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Jo and Brenda headed for California to find a new life. What will they find and how will their lives change.

  • Hallowed Crossing - Chapter 9 By Hunter Ash posted at her site (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • The Brass Ring - Part 18 By Mavis Applewater posted at the Mindom (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Tales of the Kirguer - Parts 1 through 5 By Blue Dragon posted at her site (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Caution: Under Construction - Part 24 By Vertigo posted at her site (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

Wednesday April 3, 2002

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

Guess what I received in the mail? A lovely lass named Debbie sent me a Claire Stansfield autographed photo! Apparently she just kinda had an extra layin' about. Thank you so very much, Debbie, for your very kind gift! :)

I want to say thanks on behalf of Cephalgia to all of you who sent her info on the fine state of North Carolina. You guys rock, as always.

In other news, there is no news on the Purple Plaything, nor is there any on the little scooter. Mom's feeling a bit better, so that's a happy thing. Tango the Wonder Kitty didn't break anything in the last 24 hours. Well, at least, nothing I'm aware of. I haven't scoured the entire house yet today.

Xena Live II:

Don't forget, the second live play based on the TV show has its gala opening today. Go see it in Chicago, IL.

This time around, it's a musical.

Talk Show Topics:

Jenny Jones: You Say You're a Pimp Who Makes All the Girls Holler: Are You a True Playa' Or Just Poppin' Collars?
(I have no ideas what this means. And you know, I'm okay with that.)

Jerry Springer: I Like to Wear My Fiancée's Underwear
(While they're still in them, or... ??)

Jerry Springer: Wine, Women and Thongs
(You know, I might watch this one.)

What's New:

  • Mender of Souls By Larisa posted at Lynka's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Summary pending. Complete.

  • Sing For Me By Mavis Applewater posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Wed. Afternoon Series PWP. A woman learns that blind dates can be interesting. *****Celine Recommends*****

  • Good Things Come In Small Packages By Mavis Applewater posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Wed. Afternoon Series PWP. A woman discovers that good things really do come in small packages. *****Celine Recommends*****

  • Dinner With The Family By Mavis Applewater posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Wed. Afternoon Series PWP. Coffee Break Part 2. Meeting the in-laws can be stressful. *****Celine Recommends*****

  • A Short Vacation By Mavis Applewater posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Wed. Afternoon Series PWP. Ashley is in love with her cousin's wife. *****Celine Recommends*****

  • Home Improvement By Mavis Applewater posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Wed. Afternoon Series PWP. A woman hires a sexy plumber who doesn't seem to notice her. *****Celine Recommends*****

  • The British Invasion By Cephalgia posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    This would be the kind of tour *I* would want to take if I were to travel to Britain. A very nice PWP by someone who has become one of my favorite bards. *****Celine Recommends*****

  • Imperfectly By BardBQue posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Re-vamped and completed, the story of two young women who meet in a painting class and fall, reluctantly and imperfectly, in love.

  • The Inside Out - Part 8 By L.A. Tucker posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Houdini's Box - Part 8 By Girl Bard posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • A Soldier's Peace - Chapters 1 and 2 Revised and 3 By SB Zarben posted at the Merwolf Academy of Bards (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Continuing story.

  • Alias Smith and Jones By T Novan and Advocate posted at MaryD's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    Two con women are conned themselves and set out on a mission to give back a lifetime of ill-gotten gains. In this off-the-wall comedy where the insane collides with the divine, Delilah and Dixie figure out that going 'straight' isn't as easy as it looks.

  • Tree Huggers, Children, and Broken Decoys... By Ali Vali posted at MaryD's (Beyond Uber Alt)
    What happens when a star gazing, workaholic, gourmet coffee drinker comes into an inheritance she wasn't expecting? Add to that an annoying inspector that wants nothing to do with her at first and you get the title to this story.

Tuesday April 2, 2002

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

Evil, cruel, little brat... all words used to describe me, your friendly, innocent random rambler. Some of you even expressed doubt as to whether Tango the Wonder Kitty was really at fault for the April Fool's joke. Fair enough. But let me offer this tale in my defense:

Last night I was bathing, and of course, Tango was in the bathroom with me. He started off doing his usual routine... knocking over the waste basket and playing with the contents, getting up on the edge of the bathtub and batting at things (my toes, the bubbles, the washcloths, etc.), and bugging my dog, Kira. But then... then he went truly evil. He started banging on the cupboards. I'd tell him to stop, he would sit still for a minute and start again. He kept it up until I finally had to call my mother into the bathroom to remove the little devil. She couldn't find him. That was because he was *in* one of the cupboards, playing with all the goodies in there. He'd also managed to rearrange the towel cupboard, and a bunch of the towels had to be refolded.

But the real corker to the whole deal... I had my ROC autographed photo sitting on my desk so I could point my webcam at her smiling face. And Tango... well, he knocked over the photo when I wasn't in the room. Oh, I can barely stand to type those words. ROC's likeness was laying haphazardly on my desk when I had discovered Tango's awful deed. One just doesn't *do* that to anything relating to ROC. It's just *wrong*.

So, do you see? He really is evil. So the April Fool's joke was all his fault. He's been sending out evil brain rays which temporarily adversely influenced my behavior. I assure you, it shan't happen again.

Heh.

Thanks to all who wrote, and since no hit men have shown up (yet) to take me out, I guess nobody was too mad. :)

In other April Fool's news, the Merwolf Academy of Bards has a page up full of good ol' April Fool's stories written by some of your favorite bards.

One of the stories, In Your Court by Cephalgia, has a supporting character named after yours truly. Which is cool, because it's a very spiffy story. Go read it. What's New:

Monday April 1, 2002 Part II

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

From the mind of Mavis.

I understand that Celine has gotten herself into a spot of trouble. In fact folks have been calling her evil. So naturally she came to me for advice. Since I’ve been accused of being evil myself. Really I have! I know it’s shocking how these misunderstandings happen. Now all Celine did was a harmless little April fools joke. It’s not like she ended an installment of her uber story with the doorbell ringing just when the leads are about to kiss. I mean who would do that? (See The Brass Ring) Or start a start by having the a woman have a one nightstand only to discover she just slept with her new boss. (Just One Of Those Things). She would never give a character food poisoning just as she was about make love to her soul mate. (Finding My Way). Nope Celine would never stoop that low. She would never write a PWP about a School Marm and a Shop Girl only to leave you hanging when things get really hot. (Miss. Larilia’s Lesson). No I fully defend Celine’s innocence and I suspect that Tango The Wonder Kitty was behind the entire incident.

Mavis Applewater
(Who isn’t Evil only Misunderstood)
yomavis@email.com
http://www.lisa-raymond.com/new.html
http://www.angelfire.com/ma4/findingmavis

Monday April 1, 2002

Random Ramblings (by Celine)

Hi there, friends. I have some sad news to report. After almost two years of existence, the Beyond Uber site is coming to an end.

I know, a lot of you rely on us, and for that, I sincerely apologize. It's been a great run, and I've greatly enjoyed it.

But. All good things eventually come to an end. This is no exception. I will miss all of you, and the fun emails you've sent, and I hope the friends made via Beyond Uber will continue for years to come.

Now, there is the question of what to do with the BeyondUber.com domain. I was thinking of turning it into a porn site. I hear there's a lot of money in those. Of course, Singer actually owns the domain nowadays, but I don't think she'll object to a second income. I'll have to find a new web host, though, since the one we use now doesn't allow adult sites.

What do you think? Sound like a good plan? It's a new area for me, so if any of you have any advice, please send it along to yeahright@notgonnahappen.com. Much obliged.

And now, for those who took the above seriously... April Fool's! This site isn't going anywhere.

Don't hate me. The devil (a.k.a. Tango the Wonder Kitty) made me do it.

:-)

The Beyond Uber What's New from March has been archived